Some days are shit. That’s the shape of it.
Sometimes this heavy cloak drops over us, makes it harder to do everything.
Sometimes it’s easy to pinpoint where the darkness comes from. Rejection, isolation, loneliness.
Dark things outside
Today, for me, it’s an accumulation of things. The boarded up windows on shopfronts in Pioneer Square. The homeless camps that are spreading out from the ferry dock, tents lining the elevated walkway. Knowing it’s getting worse for them.
Dark things inside.
It’s also the narrative that runs inside my head. Not having a clear grasp of what lies round the corner. Uncertainty. Insecurity. Tiny stumbling blocks that stack up to seem insurmountable.
It’s not unique to me. It’s not new news. And I have a lot to be thankful for.
Feeling through the dark.
I know from the past, I’ll be able to shake it off. It just takes time. I’ll say clearly here, that I am okay. I will be okay.
The only way I have found to make it as short as possible is to keep doing what I can. Eat well, don’t drink booze and make art.
The stuff I made in the studio today was shit. What I needed to do was just do something. If I am not creating, it makes me feel worse. If I do make stuff, it helps works it through.
So I made this. Not terrible, not great. I’ll go into the studio tomorrow and push more paper around a canvas. Sometimes that’s all we can do. And that’s okay for now.